so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
