after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
