how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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