walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
