If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
