My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
