Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
