its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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