Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm at about main and main street
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
