508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
