chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
