i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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