I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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