Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
