I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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