i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
