yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
