Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You need Xanax blowdarts
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Two words: blizzard sex
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
