I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
