apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
