He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
