shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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