I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
