some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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