i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
