You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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