oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
