Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
