wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
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god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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