Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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