Whod you bang
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
