I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
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if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
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Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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