Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
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Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
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No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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