Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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