Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem