im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.