MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm at about main and main street
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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