nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize