they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
