I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
