Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
