I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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