Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
