i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
