1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i've created a new STD.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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