I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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