I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
