Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
