How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
