Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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