You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
