just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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