You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
