Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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