he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
