I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
