they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
