I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
