dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
