I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
