I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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