I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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