I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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