....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
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dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
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Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.