Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.

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  (248): I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease. http://tfl.nu/084h
  Replies (9) Good night (2118) Bad night (2743)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.

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  (832): I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store. http://tfl.nu/hql1
  Replies (14) Good night (1424) Bad night (586)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.

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  (817): Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3. http://tfl.nu/dq7j
  Replies (40) Good night (719) Bad night (5388)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do

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  (203): But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do http://tfl.nu/ke2v
  Replies (19) Good night (5056) Bad night (1415)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  it's 1 pm.

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  (203): i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words. (1-203): it's 1 pm. http://tfl.nu/0ewp
  Replies (29) Good night (8635) Bad night (1158)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good

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  (707): He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good http://tfl.nu/rj3f
  Replies (19) Good night (5478) Bad night (1114)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?

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  (813): Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room? http://tfl.nu/bp9i
  Replies (14) Good night (5057) Bad night (2429)
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.

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  (830): Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/q7ix
  Replies (10) Good night (4532) Bad night (1073)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"

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  (401): No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out" http://tfl.nu/ac7g
  Replies (3) Good night (2796) Bad night (863)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.

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  (847): I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face. http://tfl.nu/62jc
  Replies (11) Good night (3954) Bad night (1740)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.

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  (484): Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that. http://tfl.nu/p43x
  Replies (6) Good night (657) Bad night (2166)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.

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  (905): I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time. http://tfl.nu/shdn
  Replies (13) Good night (583) Bad night (1669)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..

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  (614): This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day.. http://tfl.nu/r5zy
  Replies (4) Good night (1031) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.

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  (806): First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored. http://tfl.nu/7kgx
  Replies (5) Good night (702) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.

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  (678): Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty. http://tfl.nu/d492
  Replies (5) Good night (816) Bad night (413)

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