I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Put some vodka in it
put some vodka in it
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?