plz talk dirty to me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
