I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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