Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
