I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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