Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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