Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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