Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
