I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just invented taco cereal.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
