I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
