youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i barfeds in our rink
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
