Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
