Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize