I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
