All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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