The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
