Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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