I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
